AlterFocus365

Day 66: August 5, 2012

THREE HOURS OF SLEEP, BITCHES. 

Let’s recap real quick: Thursday I woke up at 4:30AM and went to bed at 11:00PM. Friday I woke up at 4:30AM and went to sleep at 3:00AM. Saturday I woke up at 9:00AM and went to sleep at 1:00AM. Sunday I woke up at 4:30AM and went to sleep at 10:30PM TO WAKE UP AT 4:30 AGAIN ON MONDAY. 

So that’s my coffee in a Coke cup because we ran out of normal cups. But coffee was needed. 

Actually, I ended up having so much energy that morning. It wasn’t even just mental I’m going crazy energy, but actual physical I AM GOING TO RUN AND DO ALL THE WORK energy. Look at those lasers on the short game. My energy dispersed as soon as I started watering though. Did that as fast as possible to get out of there and then go meet Mark up in the north. North. Pfft.

But seriously, work was by far the least exciting part of my day. 

Met up with Mark at like 1:30. We got our Timmy’s and then chatting and stuff and apparently there’s an abandoned golf course up there. What? Yes. Highland Golf and Country Club didn’t open this year, and is just sort of there. 

Grass grows freaking fast. Everything is overgrown and closed off. So we found a broken piece of fence and went to take a look around. 

It was so weird. Everything was just abandoned. Like, mowers with sweaters still on the seat; trucks with coffee mugs in them. Everything seemed sketchier because it wasn’t a good course to begin with, so a lot of their equipment was super old already and just felt like it had been there for years. 

Then we went to church… Mark’s rehearsal started at four, and we got there half an hour earlier, so he showed me around. Then I hung out backstage and read P&P on my phone until 5:30 when they broke for dinner, and then it started at 6:00. 

Definitely enjoyed this time way less than last time. I also  had some seriously intense feels about some of the stuff said. 

Specifically when during the introduction to the service the guy was talking about how you should call Jesus’ name when you have troubles. If you’re depressed or suicidal, call Jesus because he will listen. But then he proceeded to say that (paraphrasing), “Other people worship false gods. Gods that don’t hear. Gods that don’t speak. Distance Gods. Jesus isn’t distant…” ect. Yeah. Alright. That is not okay. 

I don’t care what you believe in, but if it’s not hurting anyone else you have no right to tell people that what they believe in is wrong. It’s really easy for someone who identifies as Atheist to say, “Any and all Gods don’t exist,” but I just don’t get it when you have faith in something to tell other people that their faith is wrong. You can’t really do that to an atheist, but I feel like if you believe in something that you should have a lot more empathy for other people’s faith and beliefs. Is that wrong? 

Apparently. 

I don’t think there is such a thing as a false god for anyone. Maybe the actual deity, or anything really, that’s being worshipped may not exist, but the feelings and emotions attached to that worship are certainly real. I just feel like saying their gods are false is acknowledging that fact that there is a god there, and is therefore just attacking the personal belief. If that makes sense. 

Last time I went, it seemed like there was so much optimism. This time it seemed more like yearning. That’s probably not a perfect adjective, but I guess what I’m getting at is last time I could relate to the feeling or hope, whereas this time I was pretty alienated from wanting to call on Jesus. 

Anyway, afterwards we drove Mark’s sisters home, and then went to walk in a park near his house, where I was really weird because I still only had three hours of sleep. We watched the sunset, and there was this awesome cloud, and it was super pretty and just walked around and talked and acted ridiculous (and by that I mean I did). He taught me about rocks. 

Then I drove home and died in bed.